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I am so damn proud of this :D

Take a look at these:

PaW #52: Gneiss (Grand Finale)Pay no attention to the leeches
Though they crawl up this protolith
Sucking blood through igneous exoskeleton
The beggars will not eat today
But their lights shall be on
And in time, you may find...
That while the park may be full
When you’re in there
Scopophobia will be all but obsolete
‘Till the choreography is forgotten
I saw the vultures today
How emaciated, they have become
Ribcages thru the rind – under duress
Mayhaps your escape was convenient
This path is long and winding
And it will contort further if you persist
Do not bend with it
And stay familiar and overwhelmingly warm
Chattering like magma in its wake
A puppet dancing free of his strings
You have come this far
The point of no return cannot be seen behind you
Now swallow the poison
And embrace the tidal wave...
White wallsThese four blank walls, reality condemned
Je n'en sors jamais indemne
Don't hold me in its grasp
Don't make me face the past
Ne me vois pas, je ne suis là
que pour faire passer le message
One, two, three, thousand visages
All of them bearing oxygen
Attention à la marche avant
Sous une pluie de goudron et de sang
Mais au moins maintenant
Ces murs ne seront plus blancs.
2015-194 EvensongMy friend Rebecca Michelle TheEmptyChest asked if I were to write the story of my life, what I would title it. The title I was thinking of was 'Holding onto Hope' or something along those lines. But 'Evensong' would work well, too, or perhaps better.
Evensong, or Compline as my Roman Catholic sisters and brothers name it, is the closing prayer of the day before retiring. It is a time to reflect upon the day, what has gone well and what has not, what blessing I may give thanks for, and what misdeeds I need to confess to God so that I can sleep with conscience clear.
Psalm 91 is the psalm for Sunday evening. "The one who dwells in the shelter of the Most High and abides in the shade of the Almighty says to the Lord, 'My refuge, my stronghold, my God in whom I trust.'"
Psalm 91 used to bother me because, on the surface level, it is simply not true. God's people do suffer, and all too often they suffer specifically because they are God's people. Then I realized that those who suffer most
Help.No matter how hopeless you feel,
how alone,
or how invisible,
there is someone who is willing,
and waiting,
to help you tie every loose end,
repair every tear,
and help you through it all.
Sometimes it's a matter of finding them,
sometimes they have to find you,
and sometimes is just a matter,
of acknowledging that they exist,
and that you need their help.
So, no matter your circumstances,
no matter your mindset,
no matter how helpless you may feel,
please believe,
that you never have to go through anything alone.
In bothLife
Can save
Is appealing
In both
I'll be
With you
Brush Stroke Discoveriesthe sunset is not complete without tomorrow,
the flight of the bird is not complete without another flutter, and another;
a massage is not complete without enduring repeat strokes
the knots in your heart and the songbrush of your hands repeat and repeat:
a much deserved catharsis.
Honouring Christmas in a War ZoneHonouring Christmas in a War Zone
I don’t know you well, so all I can say
Is that I hope you stay well on this Christmas day.
I don’t know if you celebrate, or if memories will
Come with destruction and render you still.
I don’t know you much really, so all that I know
Is that you’ve been through hell ,and sometimes reached out to those
Around you for love, support and kind care;
Oh I wish I was like them, but I am not there.
I don’t know much about you, ‘cept your name and some ills
Like depression and others, those paying the bills
With memories and madness, with perversion and pain;
I do hope that for one moment in peace you’ll remain.
Christmas means a lot of things to each and every one,
For me it’s dulled and dented by the loss of James, my son.
I don’t know what memories haunt Christmas time for you,
But I hope you know we’re here whatever they may do
To remind you of your failures and remind you
BeaconYou are still a shining angel. Irisyou are a rainbow
surrounded by dark clouds.
but, you shine through the murk anyway.
everyone's eyes are on you;
your brilliance in the sky on display for all,
but not everyone gazes at you with pure intentions.
their ulterior motives motivate them to the gold you conceal,
which is not real--
the true riches being you heart, tempered like steel,
as well as how you feel.
just remember:
even if someone shatters your prism,
the strands of light are still hiding in the sun's rays,
and they are what make you.
She DaresShe Dares
September 23, 2017
SheDares to live, not just exist.
She dares to thrive loudly; to be boldly,
proudly, unabashedly, unapologetically alive.
She dares and
no one could ever take
that away from her.





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Favs of note 43

Sat Sep 23, 2017, 2:43 PM

BeaconYou are still a shining angel. Cheap VodkaAaron was gulping down his anger with cheap vodka, hiding from the world to drown in his self-induced sorrows. It was a routine, at times – fighting then drinking, drinking then fighting. It was as if he wanted it to happen. Today was no different, and the tears that ran down my face were a testament to how the day had gone. I had been beaten down by resentment; disgraced for having an opinion. I knew, at this moment, he hated me. And yet, I loved him. Don’t ask me how or why, but I did, and I wanted to marry him for some god-forsaken reason.
We had been together for over two years, and I felt it was time to make that commitment. The night I brought it up, he began ranting at me again. He asked me "what difference would it make for us" and "why should we pay for something that wouldn't affect the nature of our relationship?" I couldn’t tell him, I didn’t want to tell him. I wanted to be myself again; not living in worry about losing him to someone else because I

To That BoyTo the first boy I ever fell in love with.
I hate you
Before I met you I knew what I wanted in this world
I was going to be a rough and tough football player
But now I’ve discovered my passion for the arts
I knew the kind of girl I wanted to marry. a rule abiding, scientist who could always appreciate a good discussion about politics
But then I met you
A rebel pothead who couldn’t name three presidents, and I love it. I love everything about it
I hate you
I was going fly out of this small town and never look back.
Now I don’t want to leave but I must
Leaving no longer feels like an accomplishment
it feels like a punishment for a crime I have not committed
The first time we kissed I never hated you more
This was wrong I thought
But it felt so right
Your lips rewriting everything I know
For the first time in my life tommorow didn’t matter
All that mattered was us
Jesus fucking Christ I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I wish I hated you
But I don’t
I love you
forgiveand dammit
there are ghosts where my heart should be.
they don't know how to die.

Dog TeethVicious bites,
Dark delights
Leaving a trail of teeth and crescent shapes along my skin
Then you'll give me a toothy grin.
One day, you'll kill me with your dog teeth
With your lies swarming my head, like a wreath
You like your cruel games
I'll pray like Saint James,
Maybe I'll survive one more night
But I'll have you know, you really don't hurt me in the slight.
You can't do anything that I wouldn't do to myself.
youI found out your love has terms and conditions that I didn't sign
some kind of fine print
I didn't read between the lines of your rules
and now I'm finding myself outside of your house at 3 am wanting a hug from you
but I saw through your window that you were too busy hugging your beer bottle
I wasn't born correctly
I wasn't put in the right places or pieces
I just am
and it is wrong

latelyi've woken up
to the realization,
i'm always crying,
even without a single drop
of emotion ghosting my face.
a shiver grazed my spine
while the rafters rattled
and the faceless continue
to laugh at suicide.
it's 4am,
i'm warped and tangled,
rolled over on my side,
gazing at papier-mâché walls
praying for it all to cave in.
you've always said,
i'm a quick-witted fox,
an indecipherable dreamer,
with words to stun my enemies
and inspire my lovers,
--i'm not so creative anymore.
i'm throwing cliches at this room,
fighting off my haunted memories,
i'm lack-luster on sleep, full-on,
missing you.
i've told you once,
there's a blackness on my shoulders,
fingers clenched around my spine,
a maniacs laugh, broken down eyes,
and it feeds on me to stay alive,
but now it's swallowed me.
i'm pacing this black hole,
calling out your name but,
it echoes back, taunting me,
i'm cocooned, broken wings,
with no air left to survive.
don't worry, darling,
though part of me is dead,
she i
Men of FaithI don't trust in men of faith anymore
because one of those took mine and splayed
it open on the alter at Sunday mass.
I don't know how to look at you straight on
trusting them and not scream at you to look around,
to check your blind spot, to clench your fist
around your heart and run!

2017 06 28 2058i feel the weight of the galaxy
as i spin in circles
fading in and out of consciousness
giving life to dying ideas
When The Manic Sleeps Alonei.
Rouge northwest of facing nowhere, this signal of a sign meant for someone else.  
Blubbery headaches and I ain't sleepin' too good complaints.
Spastic stretching for the spin - the last elastic spindle
this final pinnacle of pressure.
It's loosening, uncurling from my fingers
further into sloshed, slashed, and slammed
phalanges twisting with intention.
That sickening grip, cultivating nonsense
tightening without purpose or correction
scrawling these verbose blisters
bloated afterthoughts.
To convey the skeletal density
the under-layer of basis and belief
Mortar enforcing the busted shack

I guess you could say I don't really forgive people.  
In some paralleled universe, this was completely worth it.  
Most of the debauchery, and unforgivable.  
Every fuckin' word.
Look.  We're both disgusted, so just back off.
The inability toned my muscles in lard.  I got fat - fat and lazy.

My Favorite MistakeWhen the right one
       is completely wrong.
WoundsPhysical wounds
Either heal over time
Or kill you
It's the non-physical ones that worry me

On this, I will not compromise.I miss being quiet,
but only sometimes.
I am louder now,
voice carrying over;
unapologetic for existing.
It is when I am alone
that I think,
I am too loud.
Too malicious,
more wicked than kind.
I remind myself I can
be gentle, but I must survive.
And, at times,
kindness is being cruel.
divinity between teeth of a stormcloudone
meet me at the railways. we are
running towards god. the ribbons in your hair
-ceaseless- trailing into sunset blurs and
our ticket picking fingers knot and nestle
as i hold your hand
                                 and we leave
i learn from him
                       that you can be full of love
                 & yet
                             still be toxic.
when my world is falling apart,
           he lets me collapse into him.
when i talk about suicide,
                 he laughs, nervous
           as though he didn’t understand
that maybe i stopped taking those kind of meds

Existence PausedI don't want to be alive. Not in a suicide kind of way
        Just in a temporary blackness
             that would be so kind to swallow me whole
     and take me home
   and quiet the tone
 of anger and failure in the order I choose.
it's a genocide war - no winners come through.
I don't really want to be alive
for just this moment in time
when the winds stop blowing
when they cease for a moment
             and in the same way so do I
        I'd like to walk on
      I'd like to feel strong
    I'd like to inhale a respite
take off the coat of the desperate
    and not have breath for a time
 and not have to steady my spine
I'd like to be paused in existence.
Too muchLove is like vodka
When it's too much it makes me sick

Irisyou are a rainbow
surrounded by dark clouds.
but, you shine through the murk anyway.
everyone's eyes are on you;
your brilliance in the sky on display for all,
but not everyone gazes at you with pure intentions.
their ulterior motives motivate them to the gold you conceal,
which is not real--
the true riches being you heart, tempered like steel,
as well as how you feel.
just remember:
even if someone shatters your prism,
the strands of light are still hiding in the sun's rays,
and they are what make you.
WhineCry me a river
Build a bridge
And get over it

Not a sin, an experienceIt takes two hands to put in a hearing aid. One
to hold the ear hook and press it into the thin skin
over the skull and the other to wedge the receiver
as far down the ear canal as it will go
the better you do the more you hear
the more you hurt
with any extra fingers you can hold your hair back
which will avoid tangles but treat the world
to a view of a twenty-something year old woman
with hearing aids, and that,
that is a freak show
I make a point to make eye contact with whoever's staring,
if they must stare let me make this as uncomfortable
for them as for me,  they blink twice and look away
and I smile and jam the receiver down farther
and wince at the static
It took me four years to find this kind of
resistance, this small act of power play
and even as I pull my hair back over
my ears I can feel my heart race
and my face burn, I'm three parts angry
and one part nauseous with embarrassment.
I think it was the grocery store where she gave up
on me, there was a crowd or som
Glass DoorsGlass Doors
by Tricia Pattinson

Walking into a glass door
Shocks everyone including you
You, by the rigidity of reality
Them, by the fact, your reality attempts possibility
Cutting through a glass door
Shocks them but not you
The tool that cuts through is beyond their grasp
For you, it is a brief barrier unworthy of stillness

All the while, the lonely voices
Shipping ghosts
Alias that hides inside the mirror
In between two, my image of you
An over extended reach
A thoughtless moment
A hand that grabs you from behind
The creature behind the mask,
the monster that lives inside
Slender hearts, playing musical chairs
with my soul
smashed tea    sometimes, we are not the correct fit
                      for another human being
           and sometimes, we are beleaguered.
                      there are people in the world that are too angry
                                                              too hurt
                                                            too scared
        and sometimes you need the propinquity to want to move on

The Detriment of SleepAriadne,
can I thread
a golden cord
between our centers?
From my fevered
ambling dreams
inside the stone arteries
of the Labyrinth
I wake,
put my fingers to my mouth
and swallow maps
secretly traced.
A Small RevoltTeasingly,
they escape me,
  like fireflies dancing
  in the garden,
that, for a fleeting moment,
  touch my mind
and disappear without
  a second sight.

week one.1.
he held me under the water and i choked on it,
bleach to bleach, ashes to ashes, dust to dust
lungs crushed up like grapefruit. like rose petals in ashtrays.
what do you want me to say?” i asked him
as we sat there, dangling our feet into the deep end.
my ankles still stung. seven years isn’t such a long time.
“the truth,” he answered. i pushed him into the water.
took a deep breath. got up & left.
the lights
blind me a little
but i need them. i need to remember
                  that i can pull the plug out of the bathtub,
     that i can trail my fingers
against the wallpaper
             and there are no thorns here.
i need to see them
           like those glow in the dark stars
    on the ceiling. i like to write out my nightmares on the wall
i'm just glad i wasn't there to watch you burni can still smell the last
wisps of cigarette smoke that
you cast into my face
as you turned away.
that acrid smell
i loved to taste on your lips
clung to you, seeped under
your skin and rotted out your
maybe that's why i never felt like i
could get enough air
- because you know i was breathing for
the both of us.
you always kept the lighter in
the left pocket of your shirt
-closest your heart.
you were left handed
but i always thought that it was symbolic.
you never liked it when i looked
too close;
you hated the part of me that found
meaning in actions and feelings and
maybe that's why you always swatted
away my ideas like air.
'smoking kills' was the headliner on your
cigarette packs
and whenever you reached for them you'd always
smile, i'll ask you now because i never really could,
did you like playing with fire?

and we'll never burn outi love the way that
even when your hands shake with rage,
there is a light in your
eyes that burns only for me.
i love the way that you search the
room for my face,
and the way we both ignite when i meet your gaze.
love, we are a forest fire that can only burn brighter.
12 Reasons You Are Nothing Like Your Hero Hercules1.
You were so torrentially toxic to me
I had to slice my own veins to get you out.
There was more chaos in the way you loved me
than there was in the winding weather storm
that broke every window in the house we called home,
you turned that home into a house.
You claimed momentary insanity,
like your hero Hercules,
the day you used your fists for the first time,
the same insanity that plagued Hercules
when he slew everyone he loved.
I wonder if there was a storm
where he lived that day too.
Harbinger made of hemlock and heartache,
hurricane made of hurt and heartbreak,
you were Hera’s lesson of harm and habit,
you were impossible to break,
but I too, like you,
have hidden the strength of Hercules
somewhere inside this harbour body
that used to welcome hurricanes.
I too, have always known siren songs
that have bewitched men
with more ancient madness
than you could ever imagine.
I too have spoken words that dripped with cruelty
like a soldiers sword in a battlefield,
I do

Do leave one another some feedback and support :heart:

As usual, I am massively behind with my deviation stacks. Attempting to catch up, but may have to delete them all if it gets to overwhelming. Please let me know if you think I've missed anything? Seriously, you guys are important to me. I know I've been really bad at communicating and staying involved in the community and stuff (actually starting to end up with extra health problems due to overworking myself) but you all mean so much to me I don't want to lose that just because I'm failing right now.

Love you all x



Artist | Professional | Varied

Artist, photographer, writer, composer, singer-songwriter; creator.
Think it, make it, feel it.

· w i t h · a · s p l a s h · o f · c h a o s ·

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Please do visit/ comment/ like if you enjoy my work :meow: And and all support is appreciated, even when I don't manage to respond ♡

:bulletblue: If I favourite but don't comment; I love it and just can't think of any constructive or decent feedback ♡
:bulletblue: Even if I do not thank you for favourites I do really appreciate all of them!
:bulletblue: I include thumb of the piece when thanking for favs as it's the only I can remember which one it was.
:bulletblue: I do not generally participate in "tagged" journals.
:bulletblue: I do not watch-for-watch or fav-for-fav.

♥ You created something awesome. People should see ♥

:bulletred: If you wish to say something about a deviation where I have the comments disabled, please send me a note rather than commenting on my profile. Thank you.
Deactivations: I sometimes need to shut down access but do always return.

Do you think I can be intimidating? (there is a reason I'm asking; if you wanna know do comment) 

7 deviants said In some ways
7 deviants said It's kinda hard to tell over the internet
6 deviants said Don't know you well enough
5 deviants said No
4 deviants said (((comment???)))
3 deviants said Yes

My latest cover ♡


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SkyfireDragon Featured By Owner 4 days ago   Artisan Crafter
Happy Birthday! Green Dragon
maxlake2 Featured By Owner Edited 4 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Jenny -
Happy Birthday, dear!!! :airborne:
:cake: :party: Hide Birthday Emote
I hope that you had a truly beautiful day! :sun: :rose:
:blowkiss: :tighthug:
RJenny -
oviedomedina Featured By Owner 4 days ago
Happy birthday Jenny!
Tanner-55 Featured By Owner 4 days ago
Happy Birthday! I hope you're having a wonderful day! :D 
swedo Featured By Owner 4 days ago
Super Fantastic Golden Platter Cake 3D Birthday cake  icon :happy birthday: 
Hope you're having a great birthday
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