Depression

So, my depression has recently come back with vengeance on its mind; the dull beast did not like being left behind...

I have tried to create a visual representation of what (my) depression feels like, but there is no way to truly understand how it feels without having been there, and I would not wish that on anyone.

Imagine being shut in a house where all the windows and doors are boarded shut from the outside:

You are given the key for all the locks, but it is no use because despite being able to open everything inwards, all the exits are still covered in splintered wood with nails pushed through to stab you, should you attempt to force your way through.

There is only one bulb in the entire house, and no other light source. You are forced to fumble in the dark and continually unscrew and refit the bulb so that you may inhabit different rooms. Each time you do it, you are terrified of dropping and smashing the bulb by mistake, but you will never work out how to escape if you cannot see what you are doing, so you are forced to go through the anxious process repeatedly. You know that each room is filled with the most fantastic colours, but due to your old, fading light bulb, everything appears in dull shades of grey, with all the vibrancy leached out.

And then one day the unthinkable happens, and a power surge causes the glass to shatter with a muffled pop, spraying tiny fragments into your eyes: Your last hope is gone and you would end your imprisonment, but the darkness is now so complete that you cannot find the dagger, nor the pills that you had stashed safely away, in the case of such an event. You are trapped, and nobody can hear you screaming.

Water colour, acrylic, charcoal on A2 paper.

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