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So, my depression has recently come back with vengeance on its mind; the dull beast did not like being left behind...

I have tried to create a visual representation of what (my) depression feels like, but there is no way to truly understand how it feels without having been there, and I would not wish that on anyone.

Imagine being shut in a house where all the windows and doors are boarded shut from the outside:

You are given the key for all the locks, but it is no use because despite being able to open everything inwards, all the exits are still covered in splintered wood with nails pushed through to stab you, should you attempt to force your way through.

There is only one bulb in the entire house, and no other light source. You are forced to fumble in the dark and continually unscrew and refit the bulb so that you may inhabit different rooms. Each time you do it, you are terrified of dropping and smashing the bulb by mistake, but you will never work out how to escape if you cannot see what you are doing, so you are forced to go through the anxious process repeatedly. You know that each room is filled with the most fantastic colours, but due to your old, fading light bulb, everything appears in dull shades of grey, with all the vibrancy leached out.

And then one day the unthinkable happens, and a power surge causes the glass to shatter with a muffled pop, spraying tiny fragments into your eyes: Your last hope is gone and you would end your imprisonment, but the darkness is now so complete that you cannot find the dagger, nor the pills that you had stashed safely away, in the case of such an event. You are trapped, and nobody can hear you screaming.

Water colour, acrylic, charcoal on A2 paper.

© J. Dalziel 2014
All rights reserved. All materials contained are not to be used/ reproduced/ copied/ edited/ published/ transmitted/ borrowed/ duplicated/ printed/ downloaded/ uploaded in any way without my express written permission. Feel free to contact me should you desire to use my work.
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nebular72 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014
"but the darkness is now so complete"
yes ... so it seems.
But the strange thing is that like with a black hole ... somewhere in its deepest depths ... there is huge mass, a gigantic amount of energy ... all concentrated ina tiny, almost nonexistent shrapnell of existence.
And even while you are falling endlessly through that hole of emptyness and "non-hope" .... you are inevitably bound to hit that point.
I call it the CORE.
Some people never encounter black holes, some do and escape before they are captured by it, some do not reach the core alive, giving up way before... and some actually hit it with all the momentum that they have gained throughout their voyage without actually noticing the speed.
I hope you are not caught. If you are caught i hope you make it to the center. Be prepared for impact.

PS: excuse my english ... not my native language
SheDares Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2014  Professional General Artist
misfit-geek Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
You got it right. 
SheDares Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2014  Professional General Artist
PercipicaciousLoris Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Im not going to go on a extremely long rant about how much I dislike hearing people say they have "depression". Im not saying that depression is "Oh, that person is sad"
I know what depression you mean. Grey and tasteless, with no touch of emotion. Depression is not an emotion, it is the lack thereof.
But I want to tell you that depression isnt a thing that can control you.
I sincerely believe you live your life exactly how you want to live it. Of course, there are variables that result from the people around you, your surrounding environment, and just daily little things that might bring you down, but recently, I have started to change my outlook on life and how I want to live it.
And I think its improved tenfold.
Now, Ill admit, when I do get into that kind of feeling, its worse than it ever was before. But now, the happy things are seeming to outweigh the unhappy. And I can look back on the bad things in a new light, one that washes away the sadness and grief and stress, and i can look forward to new experiences and things.
I dont belive depression is a disorder, an ailment, or any sort of thing you're born with and cant overcome.
Everyone gets this way sometimes. True, some are drastically more affected than others, but thats just the way it is. some peoples minds just work to where they become nothing more than a hollow shell really, devoid of feeling. and I know how that feels, or more accuratley, doesnt feel.
But I want to tell you something thats really helped me.
Anytime I get depressed, or angry, or upset, or stressed out, I repeat to myself in my head these mottos that help me through my life.
Complete selflessness
Recently ive been tryin g to live my life without selfishness, and worry about the needs and happiness of all others above mine. Indeed, this can be depressing work, because the majority of what I do goes unrewarded and unnoticed. But thats just the point. I do things out of selflessness, not expecting a reward, not expecting notice. I do it because it makes me feel better about mysxelf. I feel as if im doing something worthwhile.
Complete kindness
Ive also been trying to be as kind as possible to each and every person i know, even the douchebags and close minded assholes. I feel bad even saying that, but even though its true, I do not hate these people. I love them. Every person should have a chance at redemption, to prove themselves to be more than just a statistcal anomaly.
I do not have time to compleltely explain the third to you, and for that I apologize. I hope that this may help you through what you feel, because i think i can relate to you in a way not a lot of people can.
I love your artwork, and your a great person, even if I dont know ho you are.
Luckyluck244 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
you really have to go through it to understand it.
SheDares Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2014  Professional General Artist
Do you understand that depression is a serious mental illness that kills people? While I believe you mean well, I also think that you are wrong. Not everyone gets this way sometimes, and it's not an emotion; that's like the saying that you're being "OCD" because you like things tidy or you can "think your way out" of an asthma attack.

Depression does not care how good or bad your life situation is, or how strong you are, and it is far more than just feeling "down" or "numb". It screws with you physically as well; insomnia, loss of appetite, weight change, no energy, can't concentrate. And serious depression can cause other symptoms such as psychosis, serious anxiety and panic attacks (why physically screw you up even more), suicidal ideation and attempts, complete loss of motivation and interest in anything, breakdowns in relationships...

If someone is feeling the EMOTION, depression, then the suggestions you have given are likely to help; it's a thing called being "mindful" where you recognise and consciously alter your thought process to help yourself cope. Depression the ILLNESS however cannot be combated like this. More often than not, there is some form of chemical imbalance that is at least partially causing it, such as serotonin deficiency, but it can equally be due to life events/trauma or other mental health conditions.

My apologies if I come across as rude at all, it was not intended. I just want to make it clear that I strongly disagree, and actually think what you've said can be potentially dangerous to someone suffering from the illness (I can explain why, if you wish).
PercipicaciousLoris Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I will not elaborate on my thoughts on the subject, because it will only lead to turmoil.
I just want to say that Im sorry if I came off rude at all, and I sincerely apologize if I have offended you in any way.
Dont feel as if you have to respond to this.
SheDares Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2014  Professional General Artist
Didn't seem rude, I was just in a bad mood and disagreed ^^;
nocturnaliss Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2014   Writer
Depression is indeed basically a black hole that sucks everything inside, and allows for neither light nor hope. 

It's when the black hole turns to quicksand that you have a chance out, as long as there are hands to pull you out.
SheDares Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2014  Professional General Artist
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, my :worry:
SheDares Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Professional General Artist
Huggle from above 
metamage Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes, I see it. Beautifully rendered.
SheDares Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Professional General Artist
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Submitted on
October 25, 2014
Image Size
9.9 MB


22 (who?)

Camera Data

Shutter Speed
10/600 second
Focal Length
5 mm
ISO Speed
Date Taken
Oct 23, 2014, 5:41:10 PM
GIMP 2.8.2